Vulnerable: Being New

August 2023

At the end of this month, I will start a new job. I am excited about it. I am anxious about it. A lot of my anxiety has to do with the unknowns and the newness. I know how long the drive will take, but how long will it take to walk from the parking lot to my office? Will there be a fridge for my lunch? Will my office have a window? If not, where will I be able to look out a window? What’s the dress code? What’s the culture of this workplace like? (I did ask that last question when I interviewed, but an oral answer and an in-person experience are different things.)  

While I feel vulnerable about being new, the truth is that being new is not new to me. I often feel new and I wonder if this is a more common human experience than we think it is. I took my son to a tournament a couple weeks ago, a first for both of us. For lunch, we drove down the street to a restaurant we’d never been to before, with specific entrances and exits to navigate. In the past year, I’ve visited three different yoga studios, one of which is a place where I am still unknown despite going there more than the other two. There are more days than we realize when we do something new – drive down a different street, go to a different store, try out a different walking path. Being new isn’t new.  

We approach being new in a variety of ways. Perhaps because of a fear of rejection, I approach it from a place of uncertainty and vulnerability. Will I be accepted? Or rejected? Or ignored? Is this a place where I will be included? Or will I have to create my own niche? My new job is full-time, so I will be spending a significant amount of time in this new place. I don’t automatically assume that I will feel comfortable from the beginning. In my experience, it usually takes a little bit of time to feel at ease in a new setting. It takes time to learn the rhythms, the culture, and the unwritten rules and expectations.  

Others of us, however, barge into new situations without recognizing that we’re the new people. Assumptions are made about how things work. Expectations are made without learning first about what’s realistic. It’s like bringing a suncatcher to the new job before you know whether your office has a window, except usually on a bigger scale with more consequences.  

I wonder if perhaps there’s a middle ground: a place to approach newness not from bravado and swagger or from anxiety and vulnerability, but from a calm curiosity, secure in who I am and curious about this new place. Instead of worrying about getting lost in an office maze, being curious about what I’ll find around the next corner. It’s realistic expectations: I’ll bring a suncatcher with the hope that I have a window, and I’ll hang it on the wall if I don’t.