Darkness: Confronting Fear
In “Learning to Walk in the Dark,” Barbara Brown Taylor begins by saying that she uses “darkness” as “shorthand for anything that scares me – that I want no part of – either because I am sure that I do not have the resources to survive it or because I do not want to find out.” Yet when she is forced by circumstances to face any of her fears, she discovered that she “learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light... I need darkness as much as I need light.”
One of the best places for naming and confronting fears, for me, has been in the Psalms. Specifically, reading psalms from “Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness” by Nan C. Merrill. Instead of a translation of the Hebrew poetry, this book is an interpretation. There is a difference in flow and rhythm and word choice than you normally find in the book of Psalms in the Bible. One of my favorite word choices that Nan Merrill made was to replace the word “enemies” with “fears.” In 21st century America we don’t really have individual, personal enemies. But we do have fears. The media, our politics, and advertising businesses all commoditize and prey on our fears. We can relate to fear better than we can to a broad, vague enemy.
For an example of the difference this exchange of words makes, take well-known Psalm 23. “You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies,” becomes “You prepare a table before me in the presence of all my fears.” This word change makes it a bit more concrete. If your fears are sitting around the dinner table with you, you can look around the table and see them and name them. Facing your fears in this kind of manner is a vital step in overcoming them.
Another example that shows more than just a simple change in wording is Psalm 18:3, which I can still hear the call and echo song based on it, “I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, so I shall be saved from my enemies.” ‘Enemies’ in this context feels very vague as to just who I am being saved from. Instead, consider, “I call upon You, Heart of my heart, singing praises to your Name, and fear no longer holds me.” For me, to say that “fear no longer holds me” is much more powerful and meaningful than “I shall be saved from my enemies,” whoever they are and in the future tense. Today, fear no longer holds me. I can picture arms opening out wide, away from your torso and the body being freed. Fear is no longer binding me, keeping me compact and holding me down.
Walking in the dark means facing your fears, naming them, looking them square in the eye, and taking back the power they held over you. Fear of death, fear of loss, of failure, of incompetence, lack of control, rejection, the unknown, whatever it is that is holding you back. Those fears no longer hold you. They are released. To quote Nan Merrill from Psalm 54:4-5, “Yet behold, You are my helper, the upholder of my life. With You I have the strength to face my fears; Your faithfulness will help me transform them into love.” May it be so.